maybe i should reevaluate

in the last two days i have driven an unnecessary 80 miles or so in order to get to events that either got cancelled and i was never told or because the event was being held at a super-secret location that i knew nothing about. is it wrong of me to take it personally?

last night i tried to attend my book club meeting. no luck. i tried to email someone every couple of days for a week leading up to the meeting last night to find out where we were meeting and was met with silence. taking a chance, i went to where we used to meet hoping the group would be there. they weren't. the only think that really kept last night being a waste of time was running into a good friend of mine i haven't seen in awhile and getting a chance to catch up as well as catching up with a former boss. the night turned out ok, but i really wanted to discuss the book i had spent time reading.

tonight i tried to go play volleyball with my church. that drive was 60 miles of wasted gas. i spent 25 minutes waiting in the church parking lot for no one to show. it was especially irritating considering i received an email at 2:14 this morning confirming that volleyball was tonight at 7pm in the church gym. unless my church has a gym off-site that i don't know about (which i guess is possible) tonight was another opportunity for a group to waste my time.

yes, i know i shouldn't take it personal, but considering i've wasted a quarter of a tank of gas on being stood up, i do. i'm attempting to get involved in my church. i'm attempting to reconnect with friends i haven't seen in a long time. i'm attempting to say "yes" to things that come my way. this week has made me want to reconsider those attempts. and to make matters worse, i got out of work early yesterday and today to make these engagements thus missing out on several hours of pay. and since i was planning on an evening of volleyball, i didn't do my regular thursday workout meaning i'll have to do double tomorrow making tomorrow a day of lifting weights, core and lower body workouts as well as a 3 mile run.

tomorrow night i'm supposed to babysit. hopefully they house isn't dark when i get there and the family on vacation or something.

huh...not where i thought this would go

i haven't left my house since i got home friday night. yesterday because i was lazy, today because i'm not feeling great. other than some quality tv and reading time, i haven't done a darn thing. now i'm feeling ready to run 10 miles or something to get a little of this pent up energy out. except i don't feel well so that probably isn't really a good idea. instead, i'm going to watch the bears/packer game and hopefully it will be the kind of game i can yell a lot and throw things at the tv. i'm a lions fan, but as i play better football than the lions, i'm going to have to be a bears fan today (sorry mel!). GO BEARS!

i made it through last week's party. in fact, i had a great time. weather caused several people to cancel, but i had fun getting a chance to hang out with those that did make it. and i got $300 in free jewelry as an added bonus.

this week i'm upping my interaction with people from one night to two nights. though, happily, neither night involves people coming to my house so that will make it a lot easier. at least for one of the nights out. wednesday i'm meeting with my book club. i haven't been in several months so i'm looking forward to some adult discussion about books. as much as i love my job, i spend my day with toddlers so there isn't much chance of stimulating conversation so when the chance comes around to discuss a book that doesn't have pictures, i try to jump at it. and i'm even ahead of the game...i've actually finished reading the book up for discussion. normally i'm finishing the book in the car on the way to the meeting.

thursday will be a different kind of fun and a little more challenging. i'm heading out to play some volleyball on thursday night. i love volleyball. i watch as much as i can. but i haven't actually played in 10 years. should be interesting. and tiring. good thing i've been working out.

volleyball is going to be my first adventure at getting to know people from church. i've been attending the same church since moving to GR, but i haven't done anymore than attend sunday morning services in that time. there are a lot of reasons for that, some good, some bad. i'm not a joiner if i have to do the joining by myself. i'd rather take a leap into the new with someone else. it is much easier to show up to a sunday morning worship service by yourself than it is to walk into a sunday school class or other church activity by yourself. which is one of the bad reasons as i knew a LOT of the people at my church before i even started going there. being honest with myself (and with you), i'm not so good at the 'church' thing so i've found it easier to not be involved. people have asked me to join their sunday school classes, but i've found reasons not to without having to admit that i've been kicked out of almost every sunday school class i've been in as an adult. i've been asked to work with the children's activities, but have received a lot of weird looks when i say no because i already work with kids 5 days a week and i'd like to have my weekend off. i've had a lot of church people become incredibly uncomfortable around me when they learn that one of my good friends is gay.

i love the denomination i grew up in. when it comes to basic doctrine, i believe as the church does. however, while i am by no means liberal, i am not as conservative as my denomination as a whole. i've spent time attending other denominations, mainly the united methodist church, but i always come back to the good ol' church of the nazarene. even though i've been told i'm going to hell because i went to prom in high school (not just once, but twice). i've been told i'm going to hell because i drink the occasional glass of wine. i've been told i'm going to hell because i like to go out dancing every once in awhile. i've been told i'm going to hell because i've put money into slot machines. wow...the more i type, the more i wonder why i am going to church at all. i'm kind of a heathen.

i go to church because i believe in a single God who created everything, who had a Son he sent to earth to die for the sins of mankind. i believe that Son was sacrificed on a cross and rose from his grave and ascended into heaven. i believe in the ten commandments. i believe in loving my neighbor. i believe in the golden rule. i believe i do my best to live by the commandments in the bible. i don't believe that having a gay friend who i occasionally have a glass a wine with while dancing to 80s music condemns my soul to eternal burning(my belief in hell is a whole other blog). though i do believe a lot of people would disagree with me. and i do believe a lot of those people attend my church or one of the other many nazarene churches in the world. and i do believe all those people love me and mean well.

here is where i get to the point of this unplanned little speech...

i believe firmly that while all those people mean well, they are not God. they are not without their own sins....many of which coincide with my sins. i believe that unless you are free of sin, you have no right to judge me of my sin. i believe you have the right to love me. i believe you have the right to pray for me. i believe you have the right to discuss with me your thoughts and feelings towards my actions. and i believe you have the right to forgive me. but please don't cast stones at me unless you have no reason for me to cast them back. i throw hard.

attack of the killer nerves

tonight i am embarking on my first real test on my decision to socialize more...to say yes more. socializing outside my house is much easier for me than inviting a group of people to my home. outside of my house, i can just leave if i get bored or overwhelmed. when i have people over to my house, i'm stuck playing hostess until they are ready to leave. i can't runaway to my room or hop on the computer without seeming rude. so tonight will be a challenge as i'm opening my home to people...the first time i've done that since i bought my house 4 years ago.

i'm pretty nervous. several reasons spring to mind for my nervousness. sure, i'm probably being mostly paranoid, but at least one of the reasons is fairly valid. "why are you nervous?" you ask. well, let me tell you...

a.) what if no one comes? i think that's a standard nerve wrecking question people ask when they're coming up on the start time of a party they've planned, but i have a good reason for having to ask that. i'm not great at maintaining contact with friends over a long term if they aren't attached to a computer like i am. i hate the phone and because most of the real world seems to rely on them to make plans, i have a dilemma. and if i don't see a person every day, that makes it twice as challenging for me. my current job requires me to spend my day with a 4 year old and 2 year old and as much as i love them, i'm not inviting them to my house for a party. so for this party, i had to make contact with friends and former co-workers i haven't necessarily seen for quite some time...a few of them i haven't seen or talked to in several years. so i'm hoping that everyone forgives me and allows me to make the long silence up to them in the form of food and entertainment in my house (a place that 99% of the people who come, if anyone comes, has never actually been inside of).

2.) what if i forgot something important? did i remember to clean the toilet? check. did i remove the cat hair off all the furniture? check. did i remember to get food? check. those are just a few of the questions i'm currently asking myself.

B.) will i be able to stay at my party or am i going to feel the need to runaway? big question for a person who is ultimately a huge introvert.

on the plus side, everyone i invited tonight was at one point a very good friend. a friend who i spent a lot of time with both at work and outside of work. they all know me and know my quirks. hopefully they know me well enough to understand i'm reaching out to them and really want to reconnect and start hanging out again. because, after all, that's the whole point of this website. to say yes and basically get a life. :)

Next big thing in reality television

University of Michigan fired their football coach. Needed to be done. But....no one else wants the job. Supposedly, representatives of the school are going to meet with LSU's head coach Les Miles (a former U of M player and assistant coach) sometime this week about the possibility of him coming back as head coach. Problem with that? He doesn't seem to be interested in leaving LSU. Which is funny because a lot of LSU fans would love to see him go.

I have a proposal.

You've heard of 'Wife Swap'? Let's start a new reality show called 'Coach Swap.'

LSU, you can have our former coach if we can have your current coach.