"you'd be so pretty if..."

mediocrity.

that is a word i'm well familiar with. in fact it is a word i embrace.

embrace you say? who embraces mediocrity? who even admits to mediocrity?

well, let me tell you. the kind of person who is honest with themselves.

above all things, i try to be honest with myself. i probably spend a lot of time ignoring that honesty, but at some point i've looked in the mirror and said "wow, you're plain." or i've admitted to myself i'm not as smart as i'd like to think i am. or i've realized i don't know what i'm doing in my life most of the time. and guess what? not too long ago i had what i hear professionals call 'a moment of clarity.'

i don't care about being attractive. i don't want to be considered ugly, but i don't care enough about my appearance to go through the motions of putting on make up and doing more to my hair than washing it. a lot of people in my life have said to me 'you'd look so pretty if you'd only wear some makeup and do your hair.' i don't want to be pretty because society has convinced us spending an hour in the bathroom with a blow dyer, flat iron and hundreds of dollars worth of product everyday makes us pretty. 'you'd look so pretty if...' is the same kind of statement as 'she's so pretty...too bad she's so fat.' it is possible to be pretty and nude of face and hair products. and i don't even strive for pretty, i strive for passable. i'm a-ok with being the pretty one's friend. it works out as the guys i'm most attracted too are the good-looking guys buddy. means i get to spend a lot of time talking to the more relaxed, intelligent guys. too bad they're hoping to go home with my friends too.

i don't care about being the smartest/funniest/richest/etc. in the room. those adjectives take a lot of work. i'm reasonably smart. i'm funny when i need to be or at the right time. and i really couldn't care less about money. the potential is there to be smart. i did well in school and i love to learn. i'm just very lazy about it all and my interests change to quickly to become knowledgeable about any one thing beyond the basics. i'd much rather be easiest person to be around. the person who listens and doesn't make you tired because you have to work so hard to impress her. i'd much rather be known as a good listener or a good friend or a good designated driver. in the long run, those things mean more than being smartest, funniest or richest. eventually the smartest is thought of as an insufferable know it all, the funniest doesn't have anything going for them other than being funny and the richest is a snob just out to impress everyone with their wallets full of money.

i don't care about being the best at my job. well, in my current job, i'm the only one doing it and they fired someone to hire me fulltime so i guess that does make me the best at my job, but that doesn't make me the best nanny ever. in fact, i probably rank pretty low in the best nanny ever description. but i do my job the best i can and am happy that my best is good enough. but honestly, i don't go out of my way to be extra special. i don't volunteer to stay late if need be. i don't do extra cleaning. i don't go out of my to do special projects with the kids i work with. i'm too busy having fun remembering what it is like to be 3 and 5. i am too busy playing to do most of those other things. and as for volunteering to stay late, i live almost an hour away from work...staying late means getting home late and that just makes for really long days.

basically, i'm ok with my mediocrity because i'm ok with my laziness. my laziness is what makes me mediocre. i could look better if i didn't insist on sleeping until the last second and then having to run out the door with wet hair instead of spending an hour getting ready in the morning. i'd be smarter if i wasn't too lazy to do the work to become smarter. i'd be the best nanny ever if i wasn't too lazy to spend a little extra time prepping fun craft projects instead of building sand castles on the beach.

i'm ok with my mediocrity because i am honest about who i am and most of the time even like who i am.