People have been asking a lot lately about my change in lifestyle. It has been noticed that when once I used to say "No" and now I say "Yes." It has been noticed that while I used to spend all my free time at home, now I am rarely there. It used to be if I was rarely home it was because I didn't want to deal with the people living with me. Now I'm rarely home because I always have plans. And if I don't have plans, I still find something to enjoy outside of the house. It is much easier to talk me into going out to dinner or for a drink. I have started going to the theater and parties. Even if I am spending time alone, it is often in the company of strangers at my favorite restaurant/bar. Believe me, I still enjoy my own company or the company of a good book whenever I get the chance. I just enjoy those things in a crowded space. I don't require a friend to go with me to dinner. I don't require another person sitting next to me to enjoy a movie or concert or theater event. Yes, I even go to sporting events by myself from time to time. But I find I am doing most of those things in the company of other people more often than not and my friends are liking the change...I think. I'm noticing other changes within myself as well. Where once I used to sit and listen when in a group, I now participate in conversation. Where I was once afraid to make a fool of myself, I'm now more open to looking silly and even enjoy being the center of attention occasionally. But (isn't there always a "but"?) there is one thing that hasn't changed. One adventure I haven't embarked on. One activity that still eludes me. Dun, dun, DUN!!! Dating.
I have never really dated. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of guys I've come the closest to dating and on two hands the number of guys I've even had crushes on. Dating, boyfriends, marriage...those things never seemed important to me. I wasn't a little girl who dreamed of my wedding and acted it out through a marriage between Ken and Barbie (I was more of the "cut off Barbie's hair and melt Ken's face" kind of girl...basically your regular ole tomboy.). Honestly, I never really gave much thought to relationships. There are several reasons for that I think...1. I grew up in a church and world that preached "There is someone out there for everyone" so I believed he'd just show up when God was ready for me to meet him. 2. I went to the world's smallest public school and had no interest in guys I'd known since kindergarten. And 3. I was a tomboy through and through. I can't tell you the number of times I was told "You're just like one of the guys."
So I managed to make it through high school without dating anyone. And honestly, I'm OK with that...and I was way to busy to have put much thought into it had I not been OK with it. I figured college would bring around a whole new assortment of people who just might find me less like "one of the guys." And I did find a whole new assortment of guys in college. A few even made my heart beat a little faster and my tongue get a little more tied than it already was. Oddly enough, none of those guys were fellow classmates of mine...they were all friends of friends who went to different schools, a few even lived in different states. Because of the distance and demands of school, whatever chance there was for dating fizzled out. Four years of college came and went and I was still just as single as I was when I started. At least by the time graduation from college rolled around, I'd had my first kiss.
Next, life took me to Texas. I met someone there, someone I really liked. And for the first time in my life, I started to think maybe I wasn't destined to be single. That thought was very short lived. Not because we didn't like each other but because Fate is a bitch and sent us in two separate directions very quickly after we met. We hadn't even gotten around to a first kiss when Fate stepped in and brought me back to Michigan.
Since leaving Texas in 2002, the closest I've come to dating someone is a few weeks of regularly watching late night reruns of Law & Order or Mexican wrestling on a couch in a basement. Sad, right? Obviously, I'm not very good at this dating thing.
I tried online dating once. The guy showed up in a giant truck, we took it through the car wash (where I got seasick...I hate car washes), then he tried to talk me into going back to his house for a little co-ed naked hot tubbing. I politely, and then not so politely, declined and he brought me home. No dinner. No movie. Just a trip through a car wash. After that I decided online dating might not be for me.
Now it's 2014, I'm 34, finally in a place where I'm not so socially closed off, and maybe want to date. But there is a problem. I can't seem to get a date. In the last several months, I have found myself hoping that 2 different guys would ask me out. I know...some of you are wondering why I don't ask them out. Interesting story that... One of them would run away screaming, I think. He's possibly the only other person on the planet as dating deficient as I am. And we're really good friends now so I'm not sure I'm still in the same place when it comes to wanting to date him. As for the other person...that's a long and complicated story...or at least it was in the beginning. We met, we liked, we kissed, we watched TV, but again Fate stepped in and said this isn't the right time. Since then, I've tried to reach out only to get the same response from Fate (and him), it's still bad timing. So now I wait. Either for one of them to pull their head out of Fate's arse or for something else to happen.
Maybe dating isn't an adventure I'm meant to take. I'm OK with that. Relationships seem like a lot of drama and work. I'm not a fan of either of those things. Being single is simple and has served me well for 34 years. To stay single forever doesn't seem like the worst thing. In the mean time, I'll take other adventures. And I'll take those other adventures with friends and when they're not available, by myself. Because I'm not ready to stop saying "Yes" to life.
But I really would like to put on some fancy clothes and be taken out for a nice meal sometime. For research purposes if nothing else.
No comments:
Post a Comment