Or not....
In our current society, many people are afraid of their own company. This phenomenon is particularly present in the female half of the population, I believe. We are constantly surrounding ourselves with friends, family, and/or lovers. Could it be a long history of being thought of as "lesser" by the Y chromosome half of our fellow homo sapiens? Could it be just a built in desire to make people happy and if there are no people around we can't make them happy? Or could it just be that women are super insecure and need others around to feel good about themselves? Whatever the reason, I call bullshit.
Spending time in our own company is a vital part of understanding who we are as a person and figuring out what we want in life...male or female. I'm sure some of you are thinking "But I'm an extrovert. I LOVE to be around other people." That's fine. Being around other people is a wonderful thing. Nothing wrong with that, in general. A problem arises, however, when you start to define yourself by what other people think about you. To a certain extent, we are defined by what others think and feel and believe about everything, but how are you to know if you simply just agree with them or if you are just mimicking or mirroring them unless you spend some time alone truly getting to know yourself?
Awhile back, I came across an article on BuzzFeed that listed 12 Things Everyone Should Do Alone At Least Once. Yeah, I know...BuzzFeed is hardly hard hitting journalism, but that doesn't make this list any less awesome. Articulating the things I've learned about myself over the last 10 years or so of hanging out with myself is impossible I'm finding. I've attempted to write it out several times and it just sounds silly. But I can say that I am way more comfortable with myself than I have ever been. I have a better grasp of what I like and don't like as well as a more adventurous spirit. I can dress myself (you'd be surprised the number of people who can't) and rarely care what other people think about the way I choose to do so. And I look in the mirror and 90% of the time like the person I see looking back. But mostly, I am WAY more confident. I can now walk into a place and feel like I'm suppose to be there instead of waiting for someone to ask me what the hell I'm doing there.
Don't get me wrong, I love to spend time with my family and friends. I always have and I always will. But I would be willing to bet that my friends and family like to spend time with me more now than they did several years ago. I'm much more willing to say yes to their invitations. I'm much less quiet and even surly when I am with them. I'm more open about my thoughts, opinions and personal life. Closed off would have been a good way to describe me, but I don't think that is the case any longer. At least I hope my friends and family find me more pleasant to be around. And strangely enough, spending time on my own, getting to know myself, has made me a better friend, I think. I find it easier to be their for friends in need. I find it easier to actively listen and engage with others. I've always been good at reading people, but now I'm better at actually listening to people. And before I started spending more time actively doing things alone, it was very hard to get me out of my house for anything other than work. I have always spent time alone, but most of that was actively spent trying to ignore myself...either watching TV or reading. But by forcing myself to get out of the house and be active in my aloneness, I am more willing to be active with others.
And what on that list haven't I done alone? Travel. And I'm hoping to cross that one off the list in the next year in a very big way...preferably by getting out of the country.
And what should be added as number 13? Dancing! Everyone should go out dancing alone at least once. In my opinion, nothing frees you faster from self-consciousness than dancing in a crowd of people alone. Let the music flow through you and just move. You'll find yourself freer than you've ever been and the next time you go dancing with your friends, you'll be able to enjoy yourself without wondering "How stupid do I look?" all night.
No comments:
Post a Comment